Why do we tend to play nice with those who are getting closer to us?
Today, I found the answer.
Need and attachment vs Close and companion
We got – or believe to be – closer with others and at the same time develop needs for them.
We are nice to people because we need them. Or, because we need them so we act nice.
I’ve seen and experienced these.
When I believed I got closer with people and showed my real self, they freaked out.
When I asked feedback for myself, they chose to offer praise.
When I took them to discuss sensitive matters, they shied away.
When I asked difficult questions, especially ones that potentially reconfirm our relationships, they got mad.
And this has led to hollow, meaningless and constraining relationships; instead of rewarding, fulfilling and nurturing ones.
That is why I prefer to get a company, partner and buddy with whom we can stay close and not being attached, needy let alone clingy with one another.
Partners make shared experiences, share laugh and cry, and comfortably refine and redefine their existence through kind, not nice, statements, opinions and questions.
Being vulnerable selves
It is my logic that, as we get closer with another human being, the best gift this companionship will give us is the honor to learn more of each others’ darkest past, deepest desires, and questions that woke us in the middle of the night.
As we get closer, we can comfortably take off one by one of our filters, masks and shields and present our naked, real and vulnerable selves.
As we got closer, we can easily ask existentialist queries; including those that questions one’s meaning to the other, such as “What will keep us accompanying each other next year?”
And that is exactly why I don’t play nice since the first time I meet people. And only those survive such challenging conversations, real behaviors and difficult questions stay in my inner-most circles.
Currently, that circle is kind of empty. So come to me with more whys; I know I have many for you.